… they’re really saying, “I love you.”
I honestly cannot hear that song without bursting into tears. It takes about 5 notes and the first syllable and I can’t even see. Anyone that says music doesn’t affect them is missing a dose of whatever I seem to have in spades. It’s ridiculous. I could name that songs that are guaranteed to pick me up and the ones that drop me down where I need a box of tissues within arms reach.
Tonight we finished watching Good Morning Vietnam. I’ve seen it before, Louis Armstrong made me cry then, and he made me cry again. That movie is the reason that song causes such a strong reaction. The song is played while a totally different visual assaults your eyeballs. It hurts but in the way I’m sure the movie directors intended. It hits on a visceral level like a discordant chord. Jarring, but yet you can’t stop getting it out of your head.
Anyways, the one line from it really hits home right now because we’re getting down to the wire of leaving. We have two weeks and two-ish days and then it’s farewell. I’m not sure how I’m going to handle it as we get closer. I feel like crying if I think about it for too long. Right now I’m so dried up from earlier that I feel I can write something.
Tonight we gave away our bookcases. In return we got an awesome red rubber ball for the pup and an offer of pup-sitting while we’re moving. Our dog has the best doggy and human friends ever. We’re really going to miss those four legged beasts. I am hoping to tell everyone at the Dog Park that we’ve gotten reasonably close to that we’re leaving. It’s going to be hard as some of them have just started to become friends. What will our pup do without his BFF (they have matching collars now) to zoom and wrestle with on a weekly basis?
But life goes on, adventures await and we just have to pick up and keep moving. As Dory says, “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.” Right now, I’m focusing on swimming and keeping my head afloat. The grief of leaving these friends here is pretty overwhelming but I remind myself that several good friends have already left and we’re still in touch, so I won’t lose touch with the people who really mean a lot to me. One of my greatest friends is in the same town as me now (we’ve known each other since we were about 15) and it’s going to be really painful to leave her. I know I wasn’t the reason she moved up here, but I was definitely a perk. No one likes to lose a reason the place they live is bearable.
The Ladies Night crew is slowly but surely breaking up. “Cupcake” has already been gone for over a year and a half, another coworker left for Alaska this spring and another just moved to Texas. Before the Ladies Night crew two other friends left — one to graduate school not too far away and another to WA. People leave and it pained me something awful to see them go. Well, now it’s my turn to wrench roots from the grips of this lovely town with its postcard views and scenery.
I remember how sad I was to leave my home town to move out here. I lost touch with some people, but others stayed in touch and we found other ways to ‘hang out’ and stay updated on each other. It helps when you’ve had a good portion of your life shared online. Distance isn’t so painful, you find ways to get together when you’re in the same town and it make those hugs so much more worthwhile. . . except you don’t want them to end.
In some ways I am beyond ready to leave. The job, the house, the expensive flights in/out of town. But the reasons to stay are the people. The reasons I miss home are because of the people. BUT this isn’t high school and college where it’s just friends going to class together and hanging out. We’ve had to grow up and face the real world and schedules and marriages and personal lives that mean you can’t hang out every Friday night watching Stargate SG-1, or going to church lock ins and getting next to no sleep once a month.
Toys R Us had it right with their theme song. I really don’t want to grow up. Life makes you, but that doesn’t mean I have to want it. Life hurts. Life heals, but you have to stand tall and keep moving forward. Family and friends will support you and help however they can because that’s what you do for each other. I am amazed how we all came together to help our Texas-bound friend move. She got so much help from everyone and we all wanted to be there for her.
Well, I’m attempting to grow up a bit over the next few weeks, pack up my life and move to new experiences. Adventure awaits!!