December hit Helena on Tuesday and so did the snow and low temperatures. It’s like a great big, “HI, I’M WINTER!! REMEMBER ME?!?!?!” Winter just left in mid-June. Okay, the snow left in mid-June. I will adjust to this Montana life. It’s hard, but I do love snow. I’m not sure why snowfall makes me so happy. I feel like I’m floating along with the snowflakes. And no, the Nutcracker does not play through my head. It used to, but that was due to having to perform it every winter. Thankfully those days are over.
It’s hard to want to rant, and yet afraid to. I can start down the road of how much I absolutely HATE when drivers fail to understand how to function in various weather (Mid Atlantic drivers in the snow is a great example). I spent WAY too many years rolling my eyes at the inability for anyone to drive slowly, stop with plenty of time, and to STOP BUYING ALL THE DANG TP, MILK AND BREAD!! The snow, get this, isn’t even sticking. . . it is merely falling from the sky and insta-melting as it hits about 5 inches above the ground. It does this every frickin’ year. You would think people would learn. My mom is from Montana, my dad is from New England, they learned to drive on winter roads. Admittedly, VERY different winter roads, but to each their own. I was shoved in a car on a snowy day and taught how to drive “properly” in the snow. Then we had a blizzard and I learned what it was like to drive in snow that fell so fast you couldn’t keep the windshield clear enough to see. It was like that scene out of Ace Ventura where he drives with his head out the window, except I was in a 1980 Volvo and it was VERY cold and VERY slippery.
I have slowly learned that I don’t fit into a lot of the places I’ve lived. I don’t feel very typecast into those regions. Do I belong in the Mid-Atlantic/Metro DC area? I don’t think so. Boston? Again, sort of, but no. And now Montana. . . again with the no. There are bits of me in all these places, but so much that isn’t. Some day I hope to find a place where I am happy.
Montana fills my eyes with glorious views, the edges of towns that back up on mountains and hills, straight highways and a sky that makes me happy beyond belief. And yet it’s a very isolating place. I live in a town smaller than anywhere I’ve ever been before. The whole state has a population of my home city. It is very hard to find a community to identify with here. I lived for my contra dancing in Boston, but it’s once a month here and that just isn’t enough. It’s also very small and very very basic. Nothing wrong with beginner level dancing, but this pushes at my patience. I help people, I dance the guys part, but I really just want a fun filled goofy dance where you can totally mess around. People can’t handle that here because they’re still grasping just what a given move is. I don’t feel like I can break out of a box. I ache to break out of this box. . . and yet, if I do, who will be there with me? No idea.
It’s limiting to live in a place like this, and yet so independent and free. People are so incredibly nice and patient and just darn friendly!! People stop in parking lots to let you pull out of a space, cross the road, pull INTO a parking space. It’s insane. They still can’t work 4 way stops, but you have to let some things go. I love the lack of traffic, the snow, the mountains with the sun setting/rising behind them. . . of all the places I’ve never felt so peaceful. AND YET I AM GOING NUTS!!! Would moving to Bozeman help? I don’t know.
I need to find a pathway to let out this pent up angst and urge to socialize. I just don’t want to have to bring beer into the mix. Why is drinking THE thing to do here? If I want to make friends, I need to drink. . . seems redonk.