For some reason these always crop up at bad times. I think it’s due to the stress. One of us will have some nagging notion about the other person or “us.”
For once, this time it didn’t start with me.
I can only say we are VERY good at talking these things out. I won’t go into details because it’s not your place to know about them. Sorry. No dirt from me. Find your own relationship and make your own dirt. <grin>
But in the end, even after our chat, I still feel disconcerted. That we even have these nagging thoughts brings me down a few notches. Does everyone have them? Is this normal? What we have is good, so why do we have to keep having these? Why can’t the awful thoughts go away?!?!
I just want to sit and scream sometimes. Or possibly sob until there’s nothing left in me. Right now I just feel drained. It makes me lose my sparkle towards this relationship a little bit. It puts a dimmer on the light. However you want to say it, it sucks monkey balls.
Love is not a question (or is it?). What we want to do is not a question. But these naggings just pull and tug at me and make me wish things weren’t so hard. I guess this is my hiccup. I know the stress can start some of these ideas, and sometimes I think I’m still fitting into the “we” picture. I’m not comfortable in my new shoes yet. And yes, I can make these analogies all day long.
I can’t begin to explain things fully here. I don’t know where to begin.
Fears nag, thoughts provoke and overall it leaves me feeling crappy and doing homework at midnight. Hopefully I’ll get some sleep and things will be okay.
We both agree on one thing: we’re used to a lot of space and being alone. This makes it hard when you’re inviting someone into your life. It’s hard to find that balance. And it’s hard to show that need for the person and not just the need for a person.