New camera fun

I just got a Nikon D90, so I am working on the transition from point-and-shoot digital to dSLR.  It’s amazing what this camera can do.  I plan on jumping into a photography course ideally next week.  The header is a picture I took today at the Farmer’s Market. And yes, those really are massive zucchini.  I bought a foot and a half long parsnip today.  MASSIVE!!  It’s like a mini-scepter. It will find itself in some mashed potatoes soon enough.

In other news, Percy now goes outside as she was talking too much at night and we couldn’t sleep.  It was a cheaper and saner alternative to getting a second cat. She now cuddles A LOT more and zonks out at night.  It’s wonderful.  She did pick up some bacterial infection out there, but I can handle that.  It stinks like crazy and she gets a bit bloated, but after a few days of meds she is acting normal if not shredding my hands any time I try to put a pill down her throat.  I’ve learned a few tricks, so thankfully my hands are healing. At first it was NOT good.

Grant is trail running like crazy.  I’ve tried it, and need to shove myself out the door WAY more often.  It’s not so warm, so I need to actually purchase some tights and then shove myself out the door some more.  I merely jog, but it’s still for at least 45 minutes.

On the note of running, Grant ran the Portland Marathon the first weekend of October and he did REALLY well for himself.  Nowhere near the top of his age class, but better than he thought he would.  Street pounding is not his idea of fun, trails are the good stuff.  I can only agree.  Watched a guy running today and thought it looked like he was ramming his feet into the asphalt, not good.

Not much has changed since July.  I’m still digitizing and losing my mind.  I’m hoping to get to do more data analyses and possibly field work once summer hits, but who knows.  We shall see. . . *thunk*  I would love to get to do more than just mapping, but it seems to come and go for everyone.  Being the quiet and not super social one at work means I spend a lot of time with my radio and hearing other people talk to other people while I sit in my invisible corner.  Not too bad, but sometimes I feel a tad left out.  It happens.  I do not have the social graces of a lot of people, and that’s been apparent since I was VERY young.  Quite content as a wallflower because I have no conversation topics in my head.  Photography does work well with me in that instance.

Until later, when the snow is back for more than a day.  Haha!

Sooo nice

I’m always amazed at how nice and genuine some people are.  Words can’t quite explain it, but I get very flustered around it.  I keep feeling like someone is going to jump out and go, “HAHAHA YOU FELL FOR IT!”  Either that or they won’t pull through on their end.

The whole high school mentality of writing in people’s yearbooks, “I don’t know you very well, but you seem really cool.  KIT”  It’s like, uh…  thanks?  The empty offers, the never calling back, etc.  So much of that has gone on and it irritates me. But when someone comes out of the blue saying wonderful things it’s like, “Whoa. .who. .what….  ACK!!” I feel very confused and it takes me a minute to get words out.  I go into shock.

On another note, my little Percy arrives today!!! My parents are coming down to VA for the Head of the Occoquan to spend time with us.  We’re living at Grant’s parent’s house for now while we look for jobs and see where our lives travel to next.  I’ve applied to several jobs and am looking for more.  Grant has had a few interviews but no, “Yes we love you” replies. We’ve got a feast of tasty goodness planned.  Tasty meats and such.  I hope there will be vegetables, or else my mom really will have a fit.

Last night we had potato soup, and it was SO GOOD.  I like soups.  A LOT.  Last weekend Grant and I made vegetarian French Onion Soup.  It was just amazing.  We made a Peasant Loaf of bread to go on top of the soup, and provolone cheese.  Mmm mmmm mmmmmmmmm    There was not very much left. 

I’m thrilled my parents will be here.  I just hope they get here sooner rather than later. Hopefully the traffic won’t be too bad.  Apparently last night things were a bit nuts in DC.  Grant’s parents headed over there to see the sights with their friends who are also staying here.  There were drunks and crazy driving and people in costumes (it was Halloween) everywhere.  I am glad I wasn’t out driving around.  I’m avoiding using my car on Tuesday as well.  There have been a ton of articles saying how accidents sky rocket on election day. I’d rather avoid it all.

Game fun

The world of games is available to me again.  WHOOOHOOOO.  Today I’m going to install Age of Conan. Grant went off and bought it and has a second key, so I’m going to give it a whirl.  After that I might see about returning to the world of WoW.  I know I know, I shouldn’t. I should just move on and leave that game behind me.

I’m hoping this will be a fun time.  We’re going to severly limit ourselves in what we play and for how long.  I still have desires to play with Baldur’s Gate.  Bwahahahaha

Mmmmmm  Minsk and Boo.  I haven’t played it since March.  Sad.

On another note, I HAVE A KITTEN!!! Her name is Percy and she’s currently at home in Baltimore getting over her roundworms.  She is one bloated-belly kitten.  Poor thing.  She’s almost 4 months old.  Around December I think is when we get her spayed.  Not sure.  I need to talk to the vet about that.  I also need to find a vet down here in VA since she’ll be living at Grant’s parent’s house with us. . . . until we find jobs and move out and then she’ll go wherever we go.  She’s awesome. . .  I just hope these wormies leave her because she can stink up a whole room.

No time

There’s so much going on, there’s so much to do, and I really feel like the world has just slowed and rushed everything at the same time.  I’m just too worried and freaked out to think.  I’m trying to get work done and it takes me hours upon hours longer than it should.  I should have half of this stupid dissertation written and I hardly even know where to begin.

I need to get back out to several sites for more pictures.  I think. I’m not sure how.  I can’t figure out buses.  Maybe I’ll just go tomorrow.  It’s noon and I have highlighted about 3 paragraphs in one article.  I’m not sleeping well. I don’t have a nice waking up, instead I wake up feeling overheated and claustrophobic.

But I suppose a shower is calling to me, and showers make the world a better place right?

On another note: I saw The Dark Knight, and I didn’t care for it.  Just not a solid enough MOVING plot line.  It was a lot like the new Hulk movie: had some nice parts but overall it just didn’t develop a plot.  These are comics that have been around since my parents were kids. You’d think they could develop a plot that actually DID something instead of what they did.

Maybe Batman would have been better if it had Lou Ferrigno in it.  Haha

I came out from TDK pale, shaky and a total mess.  I really wasn’t sure how I walked out.  Sunlight didn’t do much for me.  It took me 2 hours to regain some semblance of color.  To make things happier in life Grant and I bought some movies: Get Smart, Again! (1989), The Incredible Hulk Returns (with THOR!) and The Incredible Hulk Goes to Trial (or something like that).  Bill Bixby and Lou Ferrigno, that duo can make anyone start to feel happy again.

Awesome people. Yessiree. And a Hulk that isn’t impervious to everything.  He’s strong as hell, but he can be hurt.  I like that.  It makes more sense.

Disser…whaaaaat?

My dissertation is finally starting to show some signs of forming into a “Plan-of-Action.”  This doesn’t mean I have any data yet, but it does mean that after this week I will be entering 24-7 bat analysis and habitat assessments and just ….  AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rella and I are figuring out car hires.  I’m going to attempt to drive a car at some point this week to take care of my Risk Assessments and next week it will be time to attack the evil that is going nocturnal to do bat surveys.  I guess I should be glad there’s only 5 or so hours of darkness. . .

This will be a fun filled time. . .

Right now I’ve started putting up some pictures on Flickr. . .they’re private right now as I haven’t added in the tags and such, but they’ll be up for viewing soon.  I’ll post the link when I get them all sorted.

And yes, I WILL write those letters I said I would.  Just… need… TIME.

Paper over keyboards

I had a very disturbing dream last night (technically this morning as I woke up to see the time was 8:45 am) and I tried to write it down.  My handwriting is almost illegible because I felt tensed and self concious about writing it out.  I wrote in cursive, and rather rushed.  For me, that’s not a good thing.  My cursive turns illegible very fast.

I wanted to share it but I had to go through the steps of writing it out first and then telling it to a person.  Sort out my thoughts, get things right in my head, talk to someone about it.

I’m appreciating having a paper journal with me here.  Admittedly I don’t write in it nearly enough, I feel better writing stuff down.  I also don’t have much to say, “Today I sat at my computer and typed.  I also did that day before and the day before that and the day before that.  I did go outside though. . . to get a few groceries.”  Really, that doesn’t make a very good read.  Or a very nice thing to write.

A journal is a place I like to feel safe writing it.  I’ve started to lose that.  I’m working at getting it back.

This blog on the other hand, I don’t feel safe putting anything down in.  The same was with my LiveJournal.  I’ll start getting back into blogs and all that fun when I find my writing passion again.  For now my writing is all about woodlands and bats (not together though) and vicious emails to my parents where I rant about how disgruntled I am at not having my project sorted out yet.  DISSERTATION HELLLLLLLL

*ahem*

All better.

Journals are fun.  And I’m a big believer in finding the right kind of journal for your purpose.  Moleskines aren’t for everyone, and lined journals are also not for everyone.   It’s weird to see what you will and will not use for a journal.  They have a feel to them.  The same for the pen that writes in those journals.  Usually it’s due to the quality of the paper and how gel/ballpoint/rollerball/fountain/etc actually works with that paper.

A welcome back

Yesterday was stunning, springlike and overall enjoyable (except for the whole feeling tired and unable to focus on things).  Grant and I wandered around the city centre (i.e. I grabbed lunch at Gregs and then we sat at Grey’s Monument).  At first we saw normal shoes, then as if on cue, the Uggs began.  We have a theory that Newcastle has a rather disproportionately high number of Ugg-wearers.  In the space of about 5 minutes you will see at least 10 women/girls wearing those things.

And yes, we both think they are rather pointless shoes.  Anyone who knows own them, please explain what makes them so great.  Especially if you are one of those who wear them and doesn’t actually have your foot places over the sole of the shoe, instead you’re sort of walking on the side of your boot, or over the heel, or in some way that the Ugg looks way too big for you (or too small).

I’m so tempted to make up that survey on Uggs. . . .

Thank you

Thank you for the birthday wishes to those that read this blog.

On another note: I went out today and bought Odd and the Frost Giants by Neil Gaiman.  It’s being sold for £1 today due to World Book Day.  Various authors wrote short stories for free to be put up for sale for this cause.  I really like Neil Gaiman and £1 doesn’t exactly break the bank.

I also bought my dad Barack Obama’s book The Audacity of Hope.  Perhaps he’ll like it.

Birthday Eve

I’ve spent the day cold and in a minor sad funk.

I can’t explain the sadness.  The cold is due to my shower having luke warm water and hardly any water pressure, plus the lovely cold draft that my room leaks into my water-closet.  Seriously, that’s what I’m calling that bathroom.  It is nothing more than a closet for things that use/spit water.  Undrinkable water at that (so sayeth the sticker above my sink).

The draft is from who knows where, but it keeps my feet FRIGID all day long.

The sad funk I’m blaming on too much remembering of things past.  Oh I’ll start in on Shakespeare. . give me a sec.  Sonnet XXX end couplet:

But if the while I think on thee, dear friend

All losses are restored and sorrows end.

Alright that’s not quite right in describing my feelings.  It’s just something I had to analyse senior year of high school and I never forgot it.

I think part of my sadness comes from reading about Grant’s grandmother on his dad’s blog and remembering Mrs. Brack and her battle with Breast cancer.  Nasty. Evil.  Grrrrrr  (not her, the cancer).  She wrote a book about her initial battling with it in the 80’s.  I remember reading it after she died in January of 1995 (I was in 8th Grade).   I think everyone should read this book.  The worst part is knowing the cancer wins in the end.  To know that through all these ups and downs, a few years later the cancer wins.

I remember going to GBMC and bringing her a gift with my mom. Her sister (or a close friend) was there visiting as well.  I remember seeing her with no hair, and she had this amazing story about how she woke up one day and most of it had fallen out in a halo around her head.  She had this glowing smile even though you could tell she was in pain.  She always had that smile.  I gave her a chime of white doves with blue designs on them (Our middle school colours were blue and white, but the high school she went too had the dove as a mascot.  I was going to attend there the coming year, but didn’t know it yet).  She saw the gift and told me it was the most wonderful thing she’d seen.  She called me over to hear and gave me a hug, a kiss on the cheek and told me that she loved me.  I nearly cried right there.  I told her I loved her too and that I was glad she liked the gift.  We left and I just started crying.  I knew I would never see her again.  I knew that was the end and all I could think was how much it hurt to lose someone who had never judged me at that middle school.  The only person who actually liked me for me.

Sidetrack: One of the best parts was that for once, my mom understood me, and understood what I was going through.  We both adored Mrs. Brack.  My mom told me how hard it must have been for me, and she was proud of me for having gone to see her.  I got to say goodbye.  It was one of the most important events of my life.

I remember she borrowed my LTR (Long Term Report) in 5th grade on cats because she wanted to read more about cats and learn something new.  I thought this was just so special.  She took a personal interest in her students and made them feel like they were part of a family.  If you stepped out of line, Mrs. Brack was going to put you RIGHT BACK IN LINE.   If you needed someone to confide in, you better believe she was right there to listen to you.  The best part was if she saw some talent in you, she would find ways to get you to show it.  It was amazing how well she worked with everyone.

One of my favourite memories of her during 8th grade was when she started losing her hair due to the chemotherapy.  She would wear these amazing scarves and each one had a story.  She would share them with us during Roll Call (the whole middle school got together in one large room and we had a “current events and announcements” time before homeroom).

My dad has minor skin cancer, we have friends with other forms of cancer, HIV, AIDS, life threatening illnesses.  To face these evils and to face what can come from them is one of the hardest battles we face.

Dark thoughts

For some reason these always crop up at bad times.  I think it’s due to the stress.  One of us will have some nagging notion about the other person or “us.”

For once, this time it didn’t start with me.

I can only say we are VERY good at talking these things out.  I won’t go into details because it’s not your place to know about them.  Sorry.  No dirt from me.  Find your own relationship and make your own dirt.   <grin>

But in the end, even after our chat, I still feel disconcerted.  That we even have these nagging thoughts brings me down a few notches.  Does everyone have them?  Is this normal?  What we have is good, so why do we have to keep having these?  Why can’t the awful thoughts go away?!?!

I just want to sit and scream sometimes.  Or possibly sob until there’s nothing left in me. Right now I just feel drained.  It makes me lose my sparkle towards this relationship a little bit.  It puts a dimmer on the light. However you want to say it, it sucks monkey balls.

Love is not a question (or is it?).  What we want to do is not a question.  But these naggings just pull and tug at me and make me wish things weren’t so hard.  I guess this is my hiccup.  I know the stress can start some of these ideas, and sometimes I think I’m still fitting into the “we” picture.  I’m not comfortable in my new shoes yet.   And yes, I can make these analogies all day long.

I can’t begin to explain things fully here.  I don’t know where to begin.

Fears nag, thoughts provoke and overall it leaves me feeling crappy and doing homework at midnight.  Hopefully I’ll get some sleep and things will be okay.

We both agree on one thing: we’re used to a lot of space and being alone.  This makes it hard when you’re inviting someone into your life.  It’s hard to find that balance.  And it’s hard to show that need for the person and not just the need for a person.

Le sigh